?

Log in

Bitter [entries|friends|calendar]
Meg

[ website | My Website ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

well. [14 Oct 2005|10:45pm]
enough is enough and it's time for a change.

i need to get my shit together.

uhm. right now. *nod*
[ 2 | use me ]

uhm [16 Aug 2005|02:52pm]
today i feel sad and like i need a good lay.
[ 2 | use me ]

[04 Aug 2005|10:17am]
i always delete my online accounts to run from people who hurt me.
that's so incredibly stupid.


i actually cried at the end of the most recent harry potter. damn you rowling. i wasn't ready for that shit.
[ 6 | use me ]

[20 Jul 2005|09:33pm]
i find lately that i become deeply sad when highly intelligent and creative people are religious.
[ 3 | use me ]

well. [17 Jul 2005|12:48am]
tim burton is a fucking genius.

johnny is almost as cool. pretty close.

goddamn.
[ 2 | use me ]

i am eating the most unhealthy homemade mac and cheese ever. [15 Jul 2005|07:24am]
i am confused, as usual. i feel like i've been waiting for something huge or life altering lately to just...come about. and the whole thing has been very anti-climactic. perhaps that's what normalcy is, eh? no drama. nothing particularly grand, but nothing particularly terrible either. i wonder if that's what living a stable life is. the world just sort of...suspended. going through motions. routine.

do you need low lows for high highs?

maybe you need drugs for high highs.

there's something remarkably unsatisfactory about everything lately that i can't put my finger on. maybe i just need to get out of my house. or maybe i need to abandon everyone i know and go into a cave somewhere, only come out to make money. sleep a lot. regenerate.

maybe i should stop thinking.

i have a bunch of penpals right now and sort of want more. i want to compile the addresses of everyone i know so i can send people random shit. i love writing someone a letter. because i know how fucking terrific it is to get snail mail. i can get close to people on paper. i think it's because i can't actually hear my voice pronouncing the words. or something.

i really want a crap job. the macaroni grill is so uppity that it stresses me out. there are so many suburbanite assholes who eat there. i guess suburbanite assholes eat at a lot of places in mason. and who am i to say, anyway. i was born in new jersey but i've been living in the suburbs for longer than i'd like to admit. perhaps when i judge suburbanite assholes it's a purely suburbanite asshole thing of me to do. i wonder if i'm an asshole. i don't think so. but i doubt they think they're assholes either. and they so are, sometimes. i miss UDF because everyone who worked there was poor as hell and for some reason it seems like poor as hell people enjoy the world more. maybe it's because they all smoke pot.

i haven't slept tonight. it's time to go to bed.
[ 1 | use me ]

look! i'm still in school. [30 Jun 2005|02:22pm]
[ mood | bored ]

15ECON102 002 Introduction to Economics MWF 12:00p 12:50p

15ENGL101 011 English Composition I MWF 9:00a 9:50a

15ENGL217 003 Creative Writing: Poetry MWF 1:00p 1:50p

15PHYS120 001 Astronomy: The Solar System 10:00a 10:50a

15PHYS125 901 Astronomy Lab 7:00p 9:20p

15SOC141 006 Introduction to Sociology MWF 2:00p 2:50p



yeah. another economics class. but it's okay. because econ is riveting.

[ 2 | use me ]

FREE DOG! [23 May 2005|05:32pm]
[ mood | sad ]

someone love him? or know someone who will?:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

mook how pretty he is! he makes noises like a wookie. *nod*

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

just thought i'd try. le sigh.

[ 1 | use me ]

meg, your life, your life! [17 May 2005|02:54am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

hm.
in the past week i
*got a job at the Macaroni Grille. (sp?)
*got my wisdom teeth pulled.
*got two dry socket infections and had my holes PACKED. TWICE.
*became a red-head. errr...an auburn-head. errr...something a few steps closer to blonde.
*took out my lip-ring.
*discovered my lovely kitten Hedwig has been slutting it up and hence, is impregnated (she has engorged nipples. yeeep.) *******SOMEONE PLEASE OFFER TO TAKE A KITTEN!!!!**********
*almost set up TWO dates for my mom because she says she needs a man to have sex with (yeah. gross.)
*started power-walking daily.
*discovered i lost ten pounds (that one made me REALLY happy).
*ate lots of cottage cheese.
*played beer pong with alcoholic creamsicle beverages on my mother's dining room table.
*played UNO.
*saw Regi! and that's neat. because she lives far away.
*went out to dinner. going out to dinner is sweet. specially when someone else pays.
*got pink chucks from JCPenny's. I was exchanging some ugly chucks that my aunt bought me for pink hightops and i'm obviously a girl and obviously handed the nice lady behind the counter a size SEVEN WOMEN'S and received a size SEVEN MEN'S in the mail so i have to go back. and do it again. which saddens my heart.
*worked at a pizza place that steve worked at for awhile for a day and then quit. because..well. it sucked.
*almost quit smoking.
*wrote a boring LJ entry.

anyhoo.

friends only from now on bitches. if you are not my friend and you would like to be, please leave a message and i will get RIGHT back to you. shanks. woot.

ha. i said woot.

[ 10 | use me ]

my face hurts [07 May 2005|10:38pm]
[ mood | wishing i was more drugged up ]

i'm watching Ghost World with Jeremy and hoping that the holes in my mouth start feeling better sometime soon. wisdom teeth are unnecessary and i wish i didn't have them. well. i don't anymore. but i wish i never had. it hurts. i'm a pussy. i like being taken care of though. i got a foot rub. heck yes.

i remember having something specific to say but i forget so happy mother's day...if i weren't broke i'd buy my mom a yacht.

sustenance is a word. it means something that nourishes ie food. a lot of people don't know this.

[ 2 | use me ]

[01 May 2005|06:45pm]
[ mood | alive. ]

i'm meg. i'd like to meet everyone over again.

i've grown stronger than my addictions.

[ 2 | use me ]

[14 Apr 2005|06:22pm]
i should give my cats to spca. we can't afford them. we can hardly afford groceries.

but i keep thinking about that night, when i came home to that empty apartment. that moment that i realized she'd given them to me, they were all i had, and i laid with them on the floor for two hours and cried into Emery's fur.

so yeah. garage sale this weekend to earn money for testicle-shrinking(among other things)! Heddy and Em have restricted visiting periods--fully supervised--until they decide to stop humping like bunnies. if it's already too late...does anyone want a kitten?
[ 1 | use me ]

[13 Apr 2005|06:21pm]
miss you miss you miss you
[ 1 | use me ]

the clouds are fleeting [11 Apr 2005|01:24am]
[ mood | horny ]

i watch them move as i smoke. you are thirty-ish miles away, probably less, up there down there, being smart while i putter about online, feeding various obsessions. i nurse the space you usually fill, more and more frequently these days; it's more strange now for you to be gone.

technology connects us. i hear you inhale.

you say, "i wish there was a way i could draw something in the clouds, so you could see it."

i smile. i think that's the cutest thing i've ever heard intented for my ears. i chew on cigarette smoke when you've gone back to work; all i see in the sky is africa, drifting apart in sections.

[ 2 | use me ]

[08 Apr 2005|01:53am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

"It’s time I bring myself peace. It’s time I give up these childish habits, these unholy traditions by which I so forcefully lived. 'It’s time,' I said. And it is. Or so I’ve come to believe. Watching the time transpire around these less than momentous encounters. I encounter you with the style and grace of someone who has been here before. Maybe I have. We’ll leave this place with the sun scorching our backs and the open roads on our minds. Wrapping around this with the understanding of a saint. Less than saintly in my dealings, stirring with a stuttering tongue. Because for once, I know what I crave. The potential holds so much, so far from here. So far gone that I can never turn back. [Not that I’d want to.] Every now and then I think that I’ve made mistakes for which I’ll never be forgiven."


i have been through
a whole lot.
and for some reason tonight, i'm very tired in a sleepless sort of way.

use me ]

i cried. [02 Apr 2005|10:05pm]
[ mood | awake ]

RIP Mitch Hedberg. You were the shit.


i'm going to go get fucked up with a good-looking someone. whose tummy hurts. and we have umbrella hats.

[ 2 | use me ]

and baby, when you call me, the day falls away. you lift me up, you do... [17 Mar 2005|08:55am]
[ mood | happy ]

i heart my cats. a lot. look how pretty they are.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Hedwig likes to camp out in front of the computer monitor and drive everyone in the house crazy by chasing the cursor around the screen and hitting you in the face with her tail. And Emery's nose is too big for his face.

I stayed with this pretty boy in a bed last night for the first time in three days. This was a lot better than couches and floors. I laughed a lot. It's hardly nine o clock and the past few days have been crazy but I feel better. I think it's his fault.

My landlord is letting me off with Jan and Feb's rent and tearing up the lease, and that is the most incredible thing I could have hoped for. What a nice stoned old man.

I'm about to go drive my dad's van around and pretend I'm a soccer mom. I so look like one.

This has been dull. Adios!

[ 6 | use me ]

want you to make love to me and only to me in the dark [15 Mar 2005|03:28pm]
[ mood | relieved ]

Stop me falling down, stop me making movies of myself
Put that old dog down, stop me making movies of myself
Bring the carriage round, get me to the garden of sleep
Make that high gate speak, Perrier out of a paper bag
Looking like a hag
And start giving me something
A love that is longer than a day
Start making my heart sing something that it doesn’t want to say
I’m handing it over, I’m saying that you’re the only one
Don’t run for the border, turn that corner
Already you’ve run in movies of myself
Darling don’t you ever let me go
Wrap your loving arms around me
While the cold winds blow
Tell me what I really want to know
Cause I’m looking for a reason, a person, a painting
A Saturday Evening Post Edition by Jesus
An old piece of bacon never eaten by Elvis
So I’ll say start giving me something it doesn’t want to say
I’m handing it over, I’m singing that you’re the only one
Don’t run for the border, turn that corner
In movies of myself
I’ve seen it all before in movies of myself

[ 2 | use me ]

i'll dig a tunnel from my window to yours... [26 Feb 2005|03:19pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

i think yesterday was the craziest day i've had in years.


that's hard to do.


everything needs to just turn out.

[ 2 | use me ]

hey. yanno. [15 Feb 2005|09:24pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

i've been spending the night in clifton a bit lately but i realize that i'm never in my place alone. i think i've maybe only spent one night there by myself since nic left...well two if you count last night. is that bad? maybe. i don't spend much time there anymore anyway and when i'm by myself i see her sitting on the couch gaming or having me make her velveeta or playing with heddy or sleeping next to me and my stomach gets all knotty and i have to force my eyes to stay closed and hold my breath until i get tingly enough to fool my body into falling asleep.

hell guys. two years. i'm sorry. it's a long time to spend almost every night with someone. just the loss of the physical presence of someone who was always there for two years...that alone takes some withdrawl time. fuck the emotional stuff. being alone and NEVER being alone are two very different things.

so anyway last night i was simultaineously trying to sleep and waiting for the phone to ring and after a couple hours i realized that i wasn't upset. i think i kept waiting to be upset. and i got sort of shocked that i wasn't. i mean...i still see her everywhere in there. sometimes i still think i smell her in there. but it doesn't make me sad. it's like looking at a scar now, a white one that's been around for awhile. it's raised. it's noticeable. if you push it real hard sometimes it hurts a bit. but otherwise...it's just there and you accept it and it maybe changes the way you're built a little but it generally stays out of your thoughts.

i think this is good.

and i'm sorry for the way i'm being. for the way i am. i have to have some defense these days.

[ 1 | use me ]

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]